Weight of the World
by Ilandere Okami
Summary: It isn’t sugar… /// Having the world depend on you is a very hard way to live. Sometimes you need a little help; sometimes you need to get away…Delving into the world of addictions. Some LxLight and MattxMello w/ Near; drug, sex, and self harm; one-shot


**Author's Notes: Once again, my best ideas come to me when half-asleep, late at night ((usually…otherwise in the mornings)).**

**Inspiration: I was reading the amazing story "Behind the Iron Mask" in which Light is addicted to drugs. I then remembered the story "Having to Buy Freedom" ((and if the author of that is reading this, they **_**had better**_** update soon!)), where Light becomes a heroin addict. I also remembered the story "Better than Drugs" where Mello tries saving Matt from his drug addiction by becoming his new drug. In all: L is never addicted. So, after much thought and realization, it hit me. Here you go.**

**Summary: It isn't sugar… /// Having the world depend on you is a very hard way to live. Sometimes you need a little help; sometimes you need to get away…Delving into the world of addictions.**

**Warnings: Drug abuse, adult themes ((aka, sex!)), a bit of yaoi, partly LxLightxL and MattxMelloxMatt, dirty mouths…and half crack at the very end ((Also, please excuse my inability to know what the hell it's like to take drugs; I'm smart. However, I did look stuff up on Urban Dictionary. It helped a lot. The chocolate stuff's from memory so don't flame!))**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. If I did, I probably wouldn't make this true, but can't you totally see it? I also don't own "Weight of the World" by Evanescence.**

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Weight of the World

Yet another day in the Kira Task Force Headquarters. L was shoveling countless teaspoons of sugar into his coffee, turning it into a disgusting paste, as Light watched on, grossed out. How can someone consume that much sugar? The worst part was that the genius detective had been practically abusing his sugar intake lately. He said he needed the extra brain energy boost, because the case was going nowhere.

He was sprinkling the sugar onto his cake, which was already coated in frosting. Light shook his head in disgust. Oh man, now he licked his finger after dunking it into the sugar bowl. That wasn't such a good idea for Light to watch.

L's eyes traveled to the brunet next to him. Realizing he was watching him with his sugar, he offered the sugar bowl to Light. "Would Light-kun like some?"

Light knew he was taunting him; he hated sugar and all things sweet. But it did give L an extra bit of energy, didn't it? And the man had been working nonstop lately, causing Light to lose countless hours of sleep. He also needed more energy to get through the day, and his normal black coffee wasn't cutting it. He leaned forward, answering, "Actually, I would like some sugar today."

His fingers wrapped around the small spoon in the bowl, every pair of eyes in the room on him, wide in shock. Silence permeated the space, anticipation piggybacking it. L's eyes were even wider than normal even. He tried pulling the small bowl filled halfway with white sugar away from his suspect, but Light only chastised him. "You always offer it; what are you, some hypocrite?" He slowly let the sugar crystals fall into his coffee, cascading over the edge of the spoon.

Two spoonfuls and L was ready to pass out. He set the bowl back on his desk and waited with actual worry in his usually masked eyes. Light raised the cup to his lips, well aware of every eye in the room staring. One sip, brown liquid poured into his mouth, and he immediately spit it out.

"What kind of sugar is this?!" he yelled in outrage. It sure didn't taste sweet, like all the other sugar he had unfortunately digested in his life. It was somehow bland, yet with a weird, bitter edge to it. The brunet stood, walking over to L and his bowl of "sugar." He dunked his finger in, much the way the other had done earlier.

L tried to stop him, but it was too late. The finger was in Light's mouth and his eyes widened, pupils already dilating, tongue numbing. "This isn't fucking sugar!" He could feel the energy passing through him. It was very little, but he still knew what was going on.

Just then, the door banged open and Watari stormed in. Everyone now turned to him in silence.

"L!" he cried out. "You…you…you've been sneaking it all this time?" His own eyes were pleading, filled with pain. "You promised you were clean…" He was practically begging for it not to be true.

"Drugs!" Soichiro finally stood, his turn to yell. "You've been taking drugs this whole time!" He was thoroughly disgusted, as were the rest of the Task Force and his slightly high son.

For Light, all the pieces were coming together. Everything about the detective, his "sugar" addiction, his ability to last days without proper sleep, the bags under his constantly dilated eyes, how he was always so skinny, so pale, his calm exterior…everything…It was because he was always taking cocaine instead of sugar every waking moment 24/7.

Aizawa stood now. "We've all been listening to everything you've said, Ryuzaki, and all this time, you've been taking illegal drugs. We could send you to jail right now, if we wished!"

L's head was whipping back and forth, from person to person as each had their turn bashing him, telling him how disgusting, vile, and horrible of a person he was, how disappointed they were in him. The only one who didn't say a word was Light, who he could see was thinking nonstop, the wheels turning in his head.

"Oh, L…" Watari was almost to the point of begging. "I don't want to arrest you…or send you to rehab again…"

"Again?!" Light finally screeched. He tried desperately to pull his wrist free from the handcuff connecting him to the junky in front of him. He wasn't a pervert at all! Just some constantly high drug addict!

L finally whirled to him, face contorted in rage—maybe a side effect of yet to actually have his normal "sugar" intake of the morning, withdrawal—and yelled right back, "How would you like having the weight of the world on your shoulders, huh?! Having to constantly be on your toes, knowing half the world's population hates you, wants you dead, while the other half depends on you for capturing the first half. Now having to capture a mass murderer who kills _supernaturally_ somehow! It's impossible! I need something to keep me going, to make sure I keep holding up the damn world!"

"But it's drugs, Ryuzaki…" Matsuda said, bewildered.

Emotions flashed across their boss's face, which finally settled on a calm, amused look. He turned to his guardian. "You know, I'm not the only one addicted to drug-like substances and the like. After all, my three successors know that soon enough, my position shall be theirs. They are already stressed…"

Watari just stared in awe. Light could tell he knew about this, but didn't want to truly believe it. Hell, _he_ was still having a hard time processing the scene before him.

"Mello's addicted to chocolate, which causes chemicals to stimulate in the brain and cause him to be happy. Matt, as you should remember, Watari, is a chain smoker. Not only that, but he plays video games nonstop to escape reality. An interesting way, might I add…And then there's Near. This, I don't think you've ever realized. The reason he always wears white, why he's always so distant…His arms, legs, stomach, chest, and back are covered in red, angry scars! He cuts himself to get high! You, Watari, have destroyed many people's lives, haven't you?"

Though Light and the rest of the Task Force had no idea who the three boys L had mentioned were, they understood well enough.

"That's…disturbing, Ryuzaki," Light finally commented, breaking the silence filled with only L's harsh breathing.

And once again, L's rage was turned on his chain-mate. "Oh, don't tell me you're not addicted to anything!" he screeched.

"Of course, I'm not. Aren't I supposed to be the perfect son?" Light answered without missing a beat, only a slight bit of sweat cascading down his backside.

A strange chuckle filled the room, almost a maniacal laugh. "Of course…how could I forget? _Perfect_ Light Yagami, _perfect_ son,_ perfect_ student, _perfect _fuck…"

"WHAT?!"

"You heard me, Yagami-san. Your son is a sex addict." He turned once more to Light. Stepping towards him, he said, "Sex addict…sex _fiend_…_man-whore_…His charm and good looks can get him anything he wants. Why do you think he's been dating Misa Amane? She's a slut with half the brain of Matsuda. But she's also hot and amazing in bed…or so Light-kun's sleep-talking has told me…"

About to punch the man in front of him, Light at least tried to stop him from going on, "Ryuzaki, this is about you, not—"

As if he hadn't spoken, L continued, "I'm surprised he has yet to put his moves on me, seeing as he hasn't had sex since I put him in confinement. Did Light-kun know that it really is true that sex gives you nice skin? His was beautiful before he was confined, but it's slowly been losing its glow…" He chuckled. "And he has also been masturbating every night in the shower since being handcuffed to me."

With that, L turned away from the shocked and sweaty boy to see the rest of the Task Force just as shocked.

Soichiro, who had sat down again, almost ready to faint, slammed his hands on his desk and stood again. "That's it!" he called.

______

A month later, L was lying on a bed in an all-white room, staring up at the ceiling. His fingers or toes twitched every few minutes, but he was used to that. Once again, he was thinking about what would happen if he died, but knew that the world needed him…just as soon as he got out of rehab.

In the bed next to him, Light was calmly reading a book, positively glowing. They had made sure that he stayed away from women, to help with his rehabilitation, but that didn't mean that he was confined to his room with no other people around. Men, it turned out, were much more fun. There wasn't a recovering sex addict in the place that hadn't fucked or been fucked by Light…plus, there were others as well. He was quite content with staying here, much more relaxing than the outside world…

L turned his head to look at Light, the first voluntary move of his body since dinner. His eyes formed a half-hearted glare. "How does Light-kun manage it?" he asked, not for the first time.

Usually, Light chose to ignore the currently-ex-detective, but tonight, he was in the mood to humor him. "I don't know…" he sighed.

"I miss cake…" L lamented a few minutes later. And he was utterly serious. He missed real sugar and real cake. He was forced to eat healthily since he came here, much to Light's delight. Not so much to his. After all, even before his cocaine addiction, he had been addicted to sweets.

Light sighed again. He looked at the clock on his nightstand, then closed his book carefully, memorizing what page number he was on, and placed it on the nightstand, where a book always lay, in the same position. It was amazing that the doctors hadn't yet figured out his OCD as well and given him another set of pills.

He sat up and moved his feet off the bed to face his roommate completely. As he stood, he whispered seductively—and not for the first time—"I know how to make you forget…"

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On the floor above, two boys were already lying side by side on a single bed, lips connected in a passionate kiss. Once they pulled away out of necessity to breath, the blond whispered against the other's lips, breath ghosting over the sensitive skin, "Not better than chocolate, but pretty damn close…"

The redhead in his arms smirked and bit playfully at the lips in front of his own. "Well, you're not better than video games, yourself, but you taste _much_ better than cigarettes…"

They began kissing again, a nightly routine.

__

And in the basement floor, meant for the worst cases, was a small white-haired boy. His arms and legs were contained inside a straight jacket and special pants. His whole body was lying atop a comfortable bed, not so comfortable in the position he was in, nor with his bindings…and the fact that he was strapped to the bed as well.

He was singing softly to himself, knowing soon enough his voice would go hoarse and he'd feel the pain he so greatly desired. Then someone would come in and gag him and he'd have to find another means for getting high…

"_Feels like the weight of the world  
Like all my screaming has gone unheard  
And oh I know you don't believe in me  
Safe in the dark, how can you see?"_

There it was, the tingling in the back of his throat. A small smile broke out across his face, a giggle escaping his mouth. The giggle became a chuckle, and then a cackle.

And there he lay, with the weight of his own world on his shoulders, cackling to himself, surrounded by darkness, in a way that had become all too familiar.

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**Author's Notes: *shudders* I still say, however, that a Near who spontaneously dances is scarier than one that cackles maniacally.**

**Anyways, the ending was supposed to make you think a bit. Light hasn't gotten over his addiction one bit—on the contrary, he's more addicted than ever…but that's hot `cause it's all yaoi. Haha, whatever…L's practically suffering from his withdrawal as well as loss of cake. Matt and Mello—finally—discovered each other and are happy…to an extent. And Near has gone completely insane.**

**I was planning that ending from the beginning, for the most part, since I figured out how I wanted it to end. In all, this is the first fic that hasn't taken on a mind of its own and actually let me write it almost exactly like how it was in my head…creepy.**

**The song Near was singing I thought would fit well, seeing as it's "Weight of the World." Usually, I actually connect a song like this back to everyone in the end, like in "We Are Broken," but decided against that. L called attention to it in his speech, though, oddly enough, though I also knew that from the beginning. I wasn't going to add in that weird last part, just wanting Near to be in that position cackling to himself, but added in the singing and that "weight of his own world" line for my own kicks.**

**I hope this tides my faithful alerters over until my chapter stories updates. But finals are this week and I need to study…*sigh* TT-TT**

**Oh, and during the end, I was eating chocolate. ^_-**


End file.
